You can assume that your family members are entrenched in their own narrative. Understand that people who stay in abusive family systems sometimes develop selective amnesia over painful events. You should not tell the truth to persuade others that your father and/or mother were monsters but to simply own your personal history. The truth is the truth, and you might as well tell it. You carry the guilt of hard-won survival. It is unfortunate, though not surprising, that you still care what these family members think.
My aunts, uncles and cousins never knew we were being severely abused.ĭo I need to feel guilty for moving away and never visiting?ĭear Troubled: Given the violence and dysfunction in your past, I’d say that your choice to stay away is one of self-preservation. My mom and sister and extended family all think I just don’t care about my family.
I moved over 1,000 miles away from them and have only visited once a year. I would have to wear long pants and long-sleeve shirts in the summer so no one would know.
My mother also beat my sister and me so severely that our whole bodies were covered in bruises. I urge parents and teachers to do their best to spread the word.Digital Replica Edition Home Page Close MenuĪsk Amy: In-home caregiver may care too much The very helpful website address is now. (The previous number can still be used, indefinitely: That’s (800) 273-8255.) The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is now a simple three-digit contact. Keep your note, text or call short, polite and happy, and keep in mind your desire and need for boundaries before you contact her.ĭear Readers: The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has recently changed its name and made it easier for people to contact them. My question is: Now that time has passed, should I try to reconnect with her, acknowledging these big events happening in her life?ĭear Former Friend: If you are able to contact Tracy to acknowledge these events without getting sucked into her drama, then, yes, it would be kind for you to do so. I’m very happy for her and I have missed her, but truly, I haven’t missed her drama. In the meantime, she has secured a healthy relationship (I’m assuming) with a man I actually set her up with three years ago. I decided that enough is enough, unless she wanted to take accountability for her actions. Two years ago, we stopped speaking after a fight in which I called her out on being flaky to me. I felt a responsibility to be her best friend, because she had so few, and couldn’t hold down a healthy relationship. We often took space after these moments and then brushed it under the rug and rebounded. She’s always been insecure, and has had a history of having too much wine and picking fights, reducing people to tears. I even have journal entries from when I was 9 years old saying, “Tracy was mean to me today.” “Tracy” and I grew up together and were best friends for 30 years. Your friend should have this on hand.ĭear Amy: I recently found out my former best friend is engaged and pregnant. The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can be reached by dialing 988. You are not responsible for any of his choices. He is talking hypothetically about something he might do, someday, if an imponderable thing happens, but he can’t hold you to a vow of secrecy if you believe his life is in immediate danger. Depending on the time of day when you speak with him, his level of impairment will affect his point of view, his level of paranoia, and the way he expresses himself. My overall point is that your friend is not necessarily an accurate reporter, even about his own life. Should I just let this go and do nothing? I did encourage him to seek therapy and that did not go over well.ĭear Confused: If your friend is a daily pot user - and possibly using other substances - then you could assume that he is not always sober when communicating with you.įrom the National Institutes of Health: “Compared to those who don’t use marijuana, those who frequently use large amounts report the following: lower life satisfaction, poorer mental health, poorer physical health, and more relationship problems.”
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